im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
