C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
