I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
