Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
