So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I wish there were birth control emojis
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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