I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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