Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
