Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
