Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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