oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
