I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
