So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
