Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
