I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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