My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
