I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
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