My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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