Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
