Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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