does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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