My friends, they love my intelligence
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize