My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
