My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
