I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
