so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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