how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
