and you said cock pushups were impossible
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
