good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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