i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
