he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
