you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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