i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
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The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
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As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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