Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
