Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
