Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
