i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
