Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
