I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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