VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
