this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
