I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
