yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
