he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
