You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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