just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
