perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
