Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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