Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
3 2 1 whiskey
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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