i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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