Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You left your phone here
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