i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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