Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
