Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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