i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
