I want to stick my p in your. b.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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