Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
