i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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