the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
