found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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