The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Houston, we have a squirter
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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