How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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