i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
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