omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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