but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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