Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i came on her dog
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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