I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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