my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
