She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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