We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm jealous of your bromance
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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