Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Where did you get a picture of my penis
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
