How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
