I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
