how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
