Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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