and next time when you feel me up, do it right
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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